Minecraft launcher does not appear to start the Java program for Minecraft.

The launcher program itself opens as normal, I select latest release and hit play but the game does not start.

When I open task manager I can not find the java program that should be running Minecraft.

Then if I go back to Minecraft launcher and click the play button again I get a warning saying the game is already running in the game directory, but it isn't a processes that running in task manager anywhere.

If I click "Start anyway" nothing happens.

Other oddities:

Minecraft Launcher is set to close itself when the game is launched but doesn't.

Minecraft Launcher has 5 iterations running simultaneously.

When I exit the program Minecraft Launcher processes continue to exist inside the task manager and don't end unless manually ended via the end task function.

Frustrated Rant:

I just want to play a game that could practically be run on a frickin toaster powered by a potato!

I would appreciate any productive feedback that will enable me to actually play this game instead of complaining about not being able to play the frickin game and pulling my hair out in order to get it to work the way it is intended.

I have had various issues with this game for over a YEAR AND A HALF now!

PLEAS! Just help me resolve this.