The issue: Joining multiplayer games just has me stuck on the connecting to server screen. Creating a single player world crashes my client.

Conclusions:
It is not the server, I've joined all the top 10 servers from the lists including hypixel and mineplex.
It is not my network, I have tried playing the game on a laptop on my same connection and it worked.
It is not my computer sucking, I played minecraft before this error perfectly fine at great fps on high settings.

Log when joining a multiplayer server:

[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> Exception in thread "Server Connector #1" java.lang.ExceptionInInitializerError
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at bcu.run(SourceFile:52)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> Caused by: java.lang.IllegalStateException: failed to create a child event loop
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.util.concurrent.MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.java:61)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.MultithreadEventLoopGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventLoopGroup.java:49)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:61)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.<init>(NioEventLoopGroup.java:52)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at ej.<clinit>(SourceFile:43)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> ... 1 more
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> Caused by: io.netty.channel.ChannelException: failed to open a new selector
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.openSelector(NioEventLoop.java:128)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.<init>(NioEventLoop.java:120)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoopGroup.newChild(NioEventLoopGroup.java:87)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.util.concurrent.MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.<init>(MultithreadEventExecutorGroup.java:57)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> ... 5 more
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> Caused by: java.io.IOException: Unable to establish loopback connection
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer.run(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl$Initializer.run(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at java.security.AccessController.doPrivileged(Native Method)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.PipeImpl.<init>(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.SelectorProviderImpl.openPipe(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at java.nio.channels.Pipe.open(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.WindowsSelectorImpl.<init>(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.WindowsSelectorProvider.openSelector(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at io.netty.channel.nio.NioEventLoop.openSelector(NioEventLoop.java:126)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> ... 8 more
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> Caused by: java.net.SocketException: Permission denied: connect
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect0(Native Method)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.Net.connect(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at sun.nio.ch.SocketChannelImpl.connect(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> at java.nio.channels.SocketChannel.open(Unknown Source)
[04:05:36 INFO]: Client> ... 17 more

I've searched for an answer everywhere, this is my last resort. Please help.