I downloaded Minecraft with multiple versions (the Windows 10/11 launcher, the Windows 7/8 launcher, and the 7/8 alternative launcher. Uninstalling and restarting my computer between each download when I was presented with the same issue for all of them).

I've also downloaded the newest version of Java, along with uninstalling it and letting the games' bundled version of Java be enough. 

I've gotten the same error set nearly every time:

Tried to play, got the error "A Java Exception has occurred" followed by "Error: Game Crashed. An unexpected issue occurred and the game has crashed. We're sorry for the inconvenience. This crash may be caused by an invalid java runtime configuration. Check any custom configuration settings. Exit Code: 1"

I updated my video card drivers, I don't have any texture or resource packs, I am playing completely vanilla- this was the first time I've downloaded/launched the game since my machine was wiped. 

My Minecraft Gamer Expert says this sounds like a bug. 

I've attached the Crash Log.

13:29:38.099
launcher
main
Downloaded https://resources.download.minecraft.net/c1/c106e5ef000809049ce7d56e858898255cff9223 to C:\Users\Kay!\AppData\Roaming\.minecraft\assets\objects\c1\c106e5ef000809049ce7d56e858898255cff9223
13:29:38.099
launcher
main
TIMER: Downloads took 251 seconds.
13:29:54.309
launcher
main
Using default game log configuration client-1.12.xml (outputs XML)
13:30:10.797
launcher
main
Exception in thread "main" java.util.ServiceConfigurationError: org.slf4j.spi.SLF4JServiceProvider: Error accessing configuration file at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader.fail(ServiceLoader.java:586) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$LazyClassPathLookupIterator.parse(ServiceLoader.java:1180) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$LazyClassPathLookupIterator.nextProviderClass(ServiceLoader.java:1213) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$LazyClassPathLookupIterator.hasNextService(ServiceLoader.java:1228) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$LazyClassPathLookupIterator.hasNext(ServiceLoader.java:1273) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$2.hasNext(ServiceLoader.java:1309) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$3.hasNext(ServiceLoader.java:1393) at org.slf4j.LoggerFactory.findServiceProviders(LoggerFactory.java:106) at org.slf4j.LoggerFactory.bind(LoggerFactory.java:149) at org.slf4j.LoggerFactory.performInitialization(LoggerFactory.java:141) at org.slf4j.LoggerFactory.getProvider(LoggerFactory.java:419) at org.slf4j.MarkerFactory.<clinit>(MarkerFactory.java:53) at com.mojang.logging.LogUtils.<clinit>(LogUtils.java:18) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.<clinit>(SourceFile:42) Caused by: java.nio.file.NoSuchFileException: C:\Users\Kay at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsException.translateToIOException(WindowsException.java:85) at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsException.rethrowAsIOException(WindowsException.java:103) at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsException.rethrowAsIOException(WindowsException.java:108) at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsFileAttributeViews$Basic.readAttributes(WindowsFileAttributeViews.java:53) at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsFileAttributeViews$Basic.readAttributes(WindowsFileAttributeViews.java:38) at java.base/sun.nio.fs.WindowsFileSystemProvider.readAttributes(WindowsFileSystemProvider.java:199) at java.base/java.nio.file.Files.readAttributes(Files.java:1851) at java.base/java.util.zip.ZipFile$Source.get(ZipFile.java:1264) at java.base/java.util.zip.ZipFile$CleanableResource.<init>(ZipFile.java:709) at java.base/java.util.zip.ZipFile.<init>(ZipFile.java:243) at java.base/java.util.zip.ZipFile.<init>(ZipFile.java:172) at java.base/java.util.jar.JarFile.<init>(JarFile.java:347) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.URLJarFile.<init>(URLJarFile.java:103) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.URLJarFile.getJarFile(URLJarFile.java:72) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.JarFileFactory.get(JarFileFactory.java:191) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.JarFileFactory.getOrCreate(JarFileFactory.java:91) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.JarURLConnection.connect(JarURLConnection.java:132) at java.base/sun.net.www.protocol.jar.JarURLConnection.getInputStream(JarURLConnection.java:175) at java.base/java.util.ServiceLoader$LazyClassPathLookupIterator.parse(ServiceLoader.java:1172) ... 12 more
13:30:10.797
monitor
Process Monitor
Process crashed with exit code 1